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[13 Oct 2003|12:54pm] |
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......this sucks.
why doesn't anything ever work for me.
*sigh*
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[13 Oct 2003|11:58am] |
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mood |
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 relieved |
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weeeeeeeeeeee!!!
hahahahahhahahahaha.
happy. oh so happy. and excited. and eeeeeeeee!
lol.
...this is great.
i love you guys!
:)
.ericka.
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[13 Oct 2003|10:16am] |
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depressed |
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i've never been so ick in my entire life.
just when i couldn't think things were more horrible enough.
ugh. i even heard how horrible from my best friend. i mean.
ugghhh.
this is so horrible.
im horrible.
everything is horrible.
yeah. i know im sounding really brutal right now. but i dont even care.
i went driving with anthony,james,corey and ashley last night. it was great. well. it would have been to me if i wasn't feeling so horribly depressed.
bitching is stupid.
complaing is stupid.
saying things like this is stupid.
im leaving.
cya.
and corey...........thanks again! your the best.
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[12 Oct 2003|03:07pm] |
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happy |
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i hate everything about me.
really.
veroinca made me relize what kinda person i really am
i never knew it.
but she told me. and well yeah.
she is right.
i'm a horrible person.
i deserve nothing.
im better off left to die.
hahahahahhahahahahahaha.
yeah.
isn't it lovely.
i love her for telling me the turth to my face!
i never would have relized if it wasn't for her!!!
*hugs* thanks veronica =). i adore you!!! =) =) <3
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[12 Oct 2003|08:36am] |
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heh.
veroinca made me relize a lot.
its good.
i like it.
its weird. it made me see why i have no friends. i know i should change. because well. yeah. im a horrible person. like. really really really horrible. im one of those people that if i was around them i would be like yeah. go fuck yourself. get away from me.
yeah. i noticed that when it all comes down to it. i only have one person. corey. its sad. i know. its horrible. i give him so much shit. like A LOT. i know i say that i give him shit but i dont think you people understand. he gets so much. he doesn't deserve any of it. i dont deserve him. i know he knows it. but is still my friend. i dont understand.
ha. yeah.
isn't this great.
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[12 Oct 2003|07:15am] |
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sydney. was amazing.
as usual i drank too much and made an ass outta myself. but whats new right.
due to extreame drunkness. i almost got laid again. the person is really icky looking. but a really great guy. a little old....but a really great guy. the reason that i didn't get laid was because 2 people decided to walk in on us.
the only thing i can say to that right now. is thanks.
i think it was jamie and veroinca. but im not sure.
but yeah. thanks!!!
that would have been one of those major regret things.
it was fun tho.
i kinda went out with someone for the night. that was...reallyyyyyyyy fun. i kinda really liked it. <3 lol.
i got to see elise last nite too!!! eeee! =D
and. hum. i dont even remember who else was there.
that mark buddahy from the show was there. and OMG!!!! he didnt look that hot at the show! did he even thin out and get well. yeah. hot! now that whole show thing isn't really a regret thing cuz well yeah..hot. hahaha. okay. its still a regret. but *creams pants*
i lost dollie last night too. and guess what.
I DONT EVEN CARE!!!
its just a doll right!? right.
i hate myself so much. i'm such a whore. i dont understand why getting laid is about the only thing i want from someone in a realationship. shouldn't i look for something more!?
well. look. hah. around here. yeah right. but ahh.
yeah. me. whore. the only word. its stupid. its horrible. i hate it. i hate myself. i hate what i think and what i do.
yeah. SORRY to a person who experienced a bit of my whoreness last night. liquor can do a lot to a person. its horrible.
i never felt like such an idiot.
i got to be alone with jamie yesterday. and it was deffintly worth the time spent talking. made me relize how great he is and how much of a whore he really is not. i know my opinion doesn't matter to you corey. but i was only trying to watch out for you before. i didn't want you getting hurt. but since i talked to him. i dont see that at all. :) :)
yeah. im going. cya
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[11 Oct 2003|08:01am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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weeeeeeeeeeeee!
today.
is.
SATURDAY!!!!
which means............SYDNEY!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
i can't wait. at alll. notta bit. i wanna leave now. right now. although its only 8. hahaha.
i couldn't sleep. lol. i kept on waking up. i felt like a little kid waiting for santa clause to come.
heh.
veronica is here!! =D
weeeeeeee *does a happy dance*
but she is still sleeping. n/m. hahaha. she just walked down the stairs.
there she is.
EVERYONE SAY HELLO TO VERONICA!!!
yeah.
hahahaha.
im leaving now.
;)
cya!
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[09 Oct 2003|03:50pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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today was an alright day.
i had 2 classes so that wasn't bad.
before i go outside to catch the bus i always go to my locker.
so i did that today as usual.
i was at my locker getting things outta my schoolbag while listening to music.
i felt like someone was standing besides me so i looked over and kyle was standing besides me. well. pratically against me. he was talking but i couldn't hear him. he was saying something for like 5 seconds. i just stood there and contuined on. then he left. and stop half way up in the hallway to talk to some girls. well kinda. he more so just stood there looking at me. so i passed right by him without even saying hello. im proud of myself.
i hate that pimple pusher.
ashley moved outta her house in north sydney =( *tear*
now she is living in florence. but way way in florence. its shitty. i can only imagine how shitty it is for her! poor ashley =(
we'll work out something ashley! =)
yeah. im going drinking with veroinca and a buncha other people tomorrow. i kinda dont wanna. i kinda just wanna drink in north sydney. because well. all of those people are stupid. arggg. i think im just going to not drink tomorrow. and wait until saturday. yeah. thats what im going to do. i think anyway. yeah. thats what i'll do!
corey, veronica and i are going to sydney/jamies on satuday. so that should be fun. i guess. i'll be drunk so i really dont care. LMAO!
some guy is here working on stuff.
so we have no water. AGAIN.
....i really have to make pee pee =(
im going to work on a livejournal layout!
cya.
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[08 Oct 2003|11:42pm] |
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eeeeeeeeee!!
NEW ICON!!!!!!
=D!
made by the one and only Nikole!! =D!
THANK YOU NIKOLE!!!!! =D!
*tear*
i miss dollie! =(
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[08 Oct 2003|10:57pm] |
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weeeeeeee!
so im inna good mood. its kinda great.
i had a really good day today.
insted of going to classes today i went out and drank. that was fun because i lost dollie. i dont think i have ever been so heart broken in my entire life. i miss her so fucking much.
im going to start crying. as if i already didn't. but well. how can you not. its dollie. omg she is lost out there. all alone. she is probaly crying and scared. and cold.
=( =( =(
anyway. i wanna stay in my good mood. well. now im not. but still. its weird. but yeah. back to my day cuz im sure you care. lol.
yeah. i then went back to anthonys with ashley, anthony, and veroinca. from there anthony droped us off at the mall for a bit. veronica and i hung out there for a while. then anthony picked us up again. went back to anthonys. sat around there for a bit. left. went picked up james. then we stopped at the mall where i went in twice and looked for corey. second time i found him. so then we all went to some bridge. where people got tooted.
corey and i were the only ones that didnt so we sat in the car *smack smack* and no not smack smack as in the fun way. smack smack as in my chewing gum, so dont any of you people think something dirty.
but yeah. after that we went back to anthonys for a while. then my mommy came and picked up. now im home!
:)
nothing too great. but it was nice.
i miss dollie.
i know. im going on about it wayyy to much but i dont think any of you could possibly ever understand. well maybe besides corey cuz i think he loved her just as much as i do.
yeah.
anyway.
i really need a new livejournal layout. REALLY bad.
so im going to make one.
cya :)
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[06 Oct 2003|03:42pm] |
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aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
am i ever pissed. yeah. so. in my english class as you've read in later later entires. there are a lot of fuckheads that constaly give me shit. all the time. well on friday me and one of them got into a little argument type thing. and now he has taken it waaaaay too far. arug. its not fair at all. i mean. fuck. i would never do anything to any of them fuckheads but yet him/they give me shit. its not fucking fair at all. im so sick of it.
now i may be getting expelled. isnt that great!? im guessing they will be calling me down the office tomorrow to tell me whats going to happen. do i ever not want to get expelled.if i do im going to spend an extreamly long time behind everyone else. i wont graduate for another 5-6 years. i wanna at least try to graduate when im suppose to.
ugh. i hate how im constaly getting myself in shit. well. i'd say this is his fault just as much as it is mine. well. more so mine. i should learn to keeep my mouth shut instead of being a cocky whore. cock whore..lmao. shh. but yeah. this isn't fun at all. i can't wait until it all passes.
same with all of the rumors that are going around about me.
i dont like that too much at all. it doesn't bother me all that much. just pisses me off how people have such stupid minds and believe everything they hear without thinking about them. at all. its like. i had a baby. and when it was born it was a cow. they would be like wow are ya gunna name it betty!
anyway. im going somewhere with my brother.
thank fuck i can get outta this house.
cya
.ericka.
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[05 Oct 2003|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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because im going to bed now. althought its not offical for another 20mins....
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[05 Oct 2003|10:19pm] |
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anti-social
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
FINALLY!!!
im in a good mood! it feels so good. ugh. from my MANY MANY posts today im sure you noticed it has not been a good day. AT ALL!
sorry for posting so much latly. its just that i've been in the house since saturday morning and im going a little retarted. i was in the house all week-end alone. which is why i think i was in such a horrible mood with stuff that went on. until my brother came home.
he was out of the province for the week-end.
as soon as he came in the door he saw me sitting in the chair at at he computer. he was like. your in a horrible mood arn't you. i said no why do ya think that. then he said grab your sweater lets go. he took me out for a coffee. we went to the beach for a few mins and looked at the moon and talked for a bit. it was only like 5 mins but it seemed to last forever.
i was sitting here all day thinking how much i dont matter, thinking about the past, present, future, thinking what it would be like if i was to die. who and how it would effect them. bascially i was feeling really bad. then dwayne came home and now i feel great. i dont know what i would do without a brother. he was always there when i needed him most. even today. he just drove like 6 hours stright. he was dead tired. but still took me out for a bit because he noticed i wasn't feeling well.
when we were driving on shore road by the hospital i remember.
when i was little. i use to be constatly going to the emergenct room. sometimes more than 6 times a month. even if it was 3or4 in the morning. dwayne would wake up and come to the hospital with me. we would be sitting in the backseat. i would be crying in pain. he would rub my back telling me that we're going to be at the hospital soon and its going to be okay. then he would sing to me. he would sing my favortie song at the time and get me to sing along with him to take my mind off of the pain.
even now. im older. and he still does the same.
its weird. sometimes he can be the cause of the problem. but in the end he is always the one that helps me through it and makes me feel better.
it feels so great to be in such a wonderful mood again.
although i know as soon as i go to school tomorrow and see certain people im going to want to kill myself.
so im going to enjoy it while i can :)
anyway. yip. tehee. im going to go and find someone to play a game with me. :)
cya.
take care :) :)
.ericka.
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[05 Oct 2003|06:29pm] |
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Steps To The Truth
i
i wrote
i wrote this
i wrote this to
i wrote this to hurt
i wrote this to hurt you.
i wrote this to hurt you to
i wrote this to hurt you to make
i wrote this to hurt you to make you
i wrote this to hurt you to make you relize
i wrote this to hurt you to make you relize how
i wrote this to hurt you to make you relize how much
i wrote this to hurt you to make you relzie how much better.
i wrote this to hurt you to make you realize how much better you
i wrote this to hurt you to make you realize how much better you are
i wrote this to hurt you to make you realize how much better you are without
i wrote this to hurt you to make you realize how much better you are without me
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[05 Oct 2003|04:46pm] |
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okay. so i posted a lot today. i know. im sorry. but this has been a rather hard day for me.
i havn't been in a good mood at all today. but i would like to thank 2 people.
Nikole - for making me laugh.
Rose - for making me smile.
i know that probably sounds stupid. but like i said. i've had a really hard day and i havn't done either all day. until now. nothing really seemed worth it. the greatest thing about what nikole and rose said that made me smile and laugh was that they didn't try. it was some stupid attempt to make me smile/laugh. they were just talking. being themsevles.
im thanking you two for this because those little words ment more to me than they usually would. im not 100% sure why.
but thanks :)
.ericka.
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[05 Oct 2003|01:33pm] |
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i feel so.
i feel like im burried 20 feet under the ground.
no matter how loud i scream nobody hears me.
no matter how hard i try to get out.
i cant because im too far under.
no matter which way i move im still in the same spot. everything around me is always the same.
the odd rock mite dig into my side or the odd chunk of dirt may fall in my eye casuing irritation.
i feel like im burried alive.
i want to dig my way out but no matter how hard i try to move.
i cannot move an inch.
the dirt has me held down.
packed into a jagged package.
20 feet under ground.
nobody notices.
nobody cares.
because they can't see me.
they walk over me everyday thinking its just a gound.
nothing more nothing less.
while im under there screaming their name.
they dont hear me.
you dont hear me.
im burried alive.
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[05 Oct 2003|01:11pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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*sigh*
i made another site. yeah. im sure you care. im bored. and cold. im leaving now. i dont know why im posting this. but i am.
shut up.
leave me alone.
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| "....why can't you be more like your brother" |
[05 Oct 2003|01:32am] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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another typical fight with my parents.
the only reason this one upset more than the others is that i didnt do anything to cause this. im not going into to detail because well. its none of your business nor do i want to tell you. im so. wore out. not really wore out. but ugh. im in desprate need of a change. i have to grow up. gain responsibility. stop this fucking around shit. spending my time more wisly rather then drinking and fucking around all day long.
i need someone who will move in with me. like. NOW! or sometime extreamly soon. my father said he agreed to pay for the first payment for me so i could get an apartment. but i have to pay him back with my first paychecks. or asap. all i need now is someone to move in with me. yeah. like that will ever happen. any offers!? ha. yeah. i thought so. hum. maybe one day.
i feel like packing camera,laptop, cloths and getting the fuck out of here. just packing my shit. hitching to somewhere far away. and being a homeless prostitute. who knows. maybe some old sick fuck will let me move in with him in exchange for sex or something.
why doesn't anything ever change in my life. if it changes it only changes for the worst. i really need to get out on my own. even if its only for a year or so. it would be hell but fuck do i ever need to. tomorrow i think im going to look around for apartments in north sydney. maybe i can find some little shit hole one. i wanna check out that apartment that doris was in. see if anyone has that yet and how much it cost and whatnot. ah. fuck. i just thought of something. even if i wanted to move out extreamly soon. i couldn't. i need someone who is 18 =/. thats stupid.
im so jealous of my brother. he is old enough to do anything he wants. he could just be like. yeah mom. so im moving to edmonton tomorrow. and he could. like yesterday. he was sitting home and was like yeah. im bored. i think im going to go to new brunswick. so what did he do. he packed up some shit and went to new brunswick for the week-end.
its not fair. well it is. because he is older/grown up. and im still just a pathic little kid.
ah. im going to be awake forever.
at least thats what it feels like.
i posted a lot today. i should probably stop that one.
im going to sit here. and sulk in the shit that is me.
cya
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[04 Oct 2003|11:57pm] |
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mood |
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you've helped me a lot corey.
more than i say or show. i appreciate it a lot. without you i dont know how i would get through half of the shit i go/put myself through.
i wanted to say thanks.
although it sadness me that you wish you could not care about me =(
but i guess things are how they are.
im done with it. i mean. i see what you go through. and what your doing to yourself. all the time im telling you not to. althought you do it anyway. im thinking to myself that i would never want to do to myself what you are doing to your own self.
i need to move on and stop doing this.
thanks again corey.
your the bestest!
.ericka.
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